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Managed Care Finds Cure for Diabetes;
Endocrinologists Take the Plunge
 Declaring
diabetes mellitus non-existent, managed care companies nation-wide
have managed to wipe out diabetes throughout the United States, it
was announced today. It was explained that any patient insisting
that they have diabetes will be re-diagnosed as having paranoia, and
hence will be ineligible for medical care, as mental health benefits
are essentially nonexistent in most managed care plans. The
insurance industry also announced that their pre-existing policy of
refusing to reimburse for syringes or blood glucose test strips, and
discouraging patients' Primary Care Physicians from referring to
endocrinologists, has been "totally vindicated."
An estimated three hundred endocrinologists were seen lining up to
jump off the Golden Gate Bridge in San Francisco; there were
unheard-of upsurges in bookings for flights to San Francisco noted
by airlines nationally. The San Francisco Tourism Agency announced
that it encourages all endocrinologists to spend their final
vacation in their city, before taking the plunge.
According to an anonymous spokesman for a major managed care
company, it is expected that curing diabetes, and terminating
contracts with deceased endocrinologists, will allow approximately
57 more insurance company executives to claim 6-figure bonuses at
the end of the current Fiscal Year, while only resulting in an
additional 15 minutes loss of sleep per night for the average
Primary Care Physician, and only an estimated 2,000,000 covered
lives to become uncovered deaths.
Copyright © 1997 by the Midwest Diabetes Care Center, Inc.
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